We queue without complaint. We tut with silent rage when someone doesn’t. And we enforce social norms with eyebrow raises sharp enough to slice through a sausage roll.
But have you ever wondered what queuing reveals about our economic behaviour?
It turns out: quite a lot.
Queueing Theory – A Surprisingly Serious Business
Believe it or not, queueing theory is an actual academic field. Mathematicians and economists use it to optimise everything from traffic lights to supermarket checkouts to emergency room triage systems.
At its heart is a question of trade-offs.
Every time you join a queue, you’re making a conscious (or unconscious) economic judgement. You’re weighing up the value of what you’re queuing for, versus the value of your time. In effect, you’re saying:
“This cup of coffee, this concert ticket, or this £9.99 bottle of airport water is worth more to me than the next 20 minutes of my life.”
For some, that equation makes perfect sense. For others, it depends on the time of day and whether they’ve had a biscuit.
The Queue as a Metaphor for Investing
Now here’s the twist: investing is basically a queue.
- You get in early (ideally).
- You wait patiently.
- You don’t push.
- You trust that when your turn comes, there will be something worth collecting at the front.
The crucial difference? Investing has no visible end-point. You can’t peek around the corner to see if the queue is moving. There’s no tannoy announcing, “Ladies and gentlemen, FTSE 100 gains now being served at till number four.”
Instead, you rely on planning, discipline, and trust in the system. You stay in line through booms, busts, dips, and disappointments, knowing that long-term participation usually brings better outcomes than frantic hopping between queues.
Queue Jumpers and Impatient Investors
Of course, there are always queue jumpers. In real life, they’re the person trying to blend into a group ahead or claiming they were “just asking a question”.
In finance, they’re the:
- Meme-stock chasers
- Crypto dabblers
- Hot-tip WhatsApp forwards
- “This time it’s different” types
They’re convinced they’ve found a shortcut. And occasionally, they get lucky. But often they end up back at the start, having wasted time and money while disciplined investors quietly edge forward.
Queue jumping rarely ends well—especially when the market decides it’s time for a correction.
Different Queues, Different Styles
Just like there are different kinds of queues (bank holiday motorways, Pret at lunch, or NHS phone lines with hold music from 1997), there are different types of investors.
Let’s meet a few:
- The Early Bird: Turned up before the doors opened. Reads the instructions. Sticks to the plan. Wears comfortable shoes. Likely to be found in a globally diversified portfolio.
- The Nervous Hoverer: Joins, leaves, rejoins. Asks others if this is the right line. Often invested in cash “just until things settle down”.
- The Impatient Hedger: Joins multiple queues at once, hoping to stay in the one that moves fastest. Portfolio changes monthly. Has five platforms, seven ISAs, and no clue what’s in any of them.
- The Stoic Retiree: Knows time in the market beats timing the market. Brings snacks. Owns high-quality bonds and an income-producing equity fund. Peaceful expression. Sleeps soundly.
Whichever style you lean towards, it’s worth remembering: most queues eventually move.
The Psychology of Queuing (and Why it Matters for Your Finances)
Psychologists have studied our behaviour in queues and found some fun truths:
- We prefer a slow but steady queue to one that stops and starts.
- Uncertainty causes more stress than delay.
- People will abandon a fast-moving queue if it appears unfair.
These same traits show up in how we invest:
- We like consistent progress—even if modest.
- We find volatility more upsetting than loss.
- We struggle with seeing others get ahead (even if it’s temporary).
Understanding these patterns can help you avoid rash decisions during market swings—and remind you that investing success is more about behaviour than timing.
The Fast Lane Illusion
In real life, we’ve all made this mistake: switching lanes in the supermarket, only to discover the original queue moves faster after all.
In investing, this plays out when we abandon a thoughtful plan for the latest “hot sector”, or when we panic-sell after a downturn and miss the recovery.
The truth is, there is no fast lane to financial security. But there are shortcuts to regret.
So What’s the Moral?
Next time you find yourself in a queue—be it for a coffee, concert, or commuter train—consider this:
- You’re practising a key investment skill: patience.
- You’re showing confidence in a system, even if you don’t control the pace.
- And you’re learning that the best rewards often come to those who wait—politely.
And if it’s a really long wait? You could always do a quick pension review while you’re there.
Or at the very least, check you’ve used your ISA allowance this year.
